Thursday, 12 December 2013

A bang on the head

Life is a funny thing. As soon as you think you have sorted it out, it turns around and bangs you right on the head. Again and again.
I just finished my little verbal patchwork draft and planned to start on „quilting” it when on a Saturday morning two weeks ago my youngest who is eleven, suddenly, loking very scared, annouced that she can’t remember how old is she. From then it went to very confused mind, reduced vision, paralysis of the left side and blurry speech within an hour.

The symptoms looked like a stroke. Ambulance was called and off we went to the hospital.
At the hospital the first scan right from the doorstep sorted it out – no, it’s not a stroke. Now, two weeks later we are back at home but still no much wiser what exactly it is. We do have two options.
ADEM or multiple sclerosis...

Diagnosis is complicated, endless test had been done, still waiting for results, so now the waiting game starts. Waiting for new lesions to appear, waiting for the test results of the lumbar puncture, waiting, waiting, waiting...

Two little lesions in the brain. That’s all she has right now. Funny enough, such small things whipped all numbers out of her head in just a moment. Now she, two weeks later, still unsure, can add 2 plus two, but 9 minus 5 is already too complicated. At the same time everything else regarding brain, seems as good as it was. Language skills havent been lost, she speaks in four languages, handwriting hasn’t changed and she can still producē a decent essay. Only math – she remembers Pythagoras’, but can’t remember very basic arithmetics, numbers are gone and are coming back very, very slowly.

To say that I’m scared... Of course, I’m scared. I’m at my whits end. I will collect myself, I’ll be a strong mum as I’m supposed to be but right now I’m scared. ADEM is bad enough but multiple sclerosis....  

So yes, that nice Saturday morning two weeks ago... November the 30th. Changed my life completely. Again...
Life isn’t a fair game, trust me.  


  1. NO life isnt fair .. and being strong is OK .. to a point .. I here-by give you permission to scream shout and vent at me any time you wish to .. and I wont take it personally or judge in any way xx BIG e-hugs on their way to you xx

  2. Thank you... You probably have seen how it goes. I have plenty of corners ere to go out and cry and screem and probably will scare only an owl or two. It just, yes, I feel really weak now, like vulnerable. I have had raised a terminally ill child already (a different illness) once, and I'm thinking just why me, why me again? Silly, I know, I must be strong and I will be, but I do suspect that this place might turn out to be the one for a runt or two, indeed.
    It's too raw right now, and too many unanswered questions right now, the big scream probably will come later over something small and silly.