Saturday, 7 July 2012

Closing the page

Technically all is over. Yesterday was the day of the funeral. House is still full of relatives, so still a lot of cooking to do and dishes to deal with, but in general - yes, it's over. My mother is gone.

My father passed away few years ago, and now my mother... They both have left big holes in my heart, and right now the emptiness is overwhelming. I was the lucky one - my parents were wonderful people to cherish every little memory I have.

And now... suddenly... out of the blue... I'm the oldest member of the family.  To make the decisions, to deal with everything... nobody for the second opinion... It's scary, you know.

Yes, the funeral went very well. Yes, the afterparty was great with everything just taste exactly like mum had made it. Nobody acted silly, everybody was happy how mother looked, everybody was pleased about the speeches and so on and on and on... There were no arguments at all and all my decisions were accepted with nodding. Great.

But... but... what now? The last page of this book is closed never to be opened again. No chances to go back and read again the bits I liked the most. The stories which were never told, the questions never asked ... are lost now forever. No second chances. It's gone.

If your mother is still alive hug her today. Talk with her, ask her a question you always wanted to ask. Give her a kiss.I know you are busy but do it today. Tomorrow might be too late. 


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, Diane, I know, it will heal somehow. But right now...

  2. After my mother passed, I was very busy the first few days taking care of the business death brings. So many details, so many people. When I finished, I returned home and curled up in my bed for a couple of days. This right now, where you are, it feels, so many different ways. Another beautiful post and a wonderful tribute to your family. Even with all your pain, you still find a way to write so well in another language. I have thought of you everyday this week and wept, knowing what you are going through.
    Take gentle care of yourself.

  3. Hi Ann, I have only today visited your blog and am going through reading... I am so sorry to hear that your mum recenly passed away.... it is a strange feeling that suddenly you are in that 'older' generation .... my thoughts are with you as you go through this time of grief...